Starting to feel a little better...

I haven't posted anything yet on our referral falling through, it was too hard.
When I found out, I lost it. I haven't cried that hard or for that long in a very long time. My poor mom, I was hysterical talking to her. I almost threw up I was coughing so hard from sobbing so much. Poor lady! She just listened and said it would all work out in the end. Without the support of my family and Rich of course, I would never get through these hard times. I am so glad I have people to talk too and are there for me.

I am starting to feel better today and I think Rich is too. We asked our social worker yesterday for more information on one referral. We will see what she comes back with. I think there is a possibility there if things check out, but we will have to wait and see. We are being cautious here and not getting our hopes up.

I had been thinking about our referral we turned down a lot. I still have a little question in my mind, with the pics we did get. I concur for the most part, but I still have a little nagging doubt. I talked with Rich today and he agreed to try and set my mind at ease if possible. So, I sent our social worker an email just to see if I could get other pics of him at a better angle and him not smiling (smiling distorts and they ignore those pics). It probably won't make a difference and just really confirm 100% for me, but I would like to just erase all my doubt. I think we owe it to him also. I told her I understood if we can't or if they offer him to someone else and they take him... But at least I tried and can in my head feel like I did all I could. I know in my head that our IA Dr. is right, but I guess if possible I would like all doubt gone. Maybe I will never know 100%. I just hope and pray he is adopted by another family that loves him and can handle his special needs.

We also told our agency we plan on staying in the Russian program. We have read blogs, talked to people and seen the orphanage they stay in. We know families get the children of their dreams and have been very happy. The orphanage also looks VERY nice and it seems the kids are well cared for and the staff cares. That is very important to us. There is risk with any country and we realize that. We have been very happy with our agency so far. They have been very understanding and I can tell our social worker cares and felt bad for me when I called crying!
She gave me good advice, just to keep trying and I appreciate that.

Anyway, I will always remember our first little guy. I have put his pics away but I will always wonder about him and I really hope he is happy and loved in his life...

Jenny